Finding my voice
I've never had a commanding voice. I spoke too quietly causing many people I conversed with to lean in a bit in an effort to catch a fraction of what I was saying. Maybe, subconsciously, it gave me the opportunity to retract quickly should my comments offend anyone and create conflict. I tried to practice projecting my voice past the people I was talking with, in hopes that I was perceived as speaking at a regular volume. Even then, I didn't want to indirectly offend some far off person with my audible speech. So, I remained cautious in the intensity of my voice, and consequently the capacity of my thoughts.
Coupled with defeating insecurities, a speech impediment released even more challenges to overcome. A nervous stutter would abruptly stop my voice in a skidding halt. When I had the courage to speak and be heard with some confidence, the stutter assured me that the safest recourse was silence. This shroud of doubt infected my self-worth. It restrained many aspects of my life and caused me to question the validity of pursuing dreams. I identified my successes as flukes. I watched others go assuredly in the direction of their goals wondering how I coexisted in a world with people who lived their lives with such certainty.
Then I became a mother - a role that offered me no choice, but to live as an example. How could I teach these little beings to innately know that their value was endless? I had no choice but to boldly forge ahead as their leader in an unfamiliar direction with both poise and purpose.
Gently, my voice found a way. I minimized the phrases and physical language that enabled me to retreat should my words feel too strong. I started to speak with conviction. When my stutter grabbed hold, I would hurdle over the utterance that was governing my thoughts and proceed forward with a new word that flowed freely.
I have began a chapter in my life where I am learning so much from my children. They are now resilient warriors. They lead with their hearts and reason with their heads. They are unapologetically ethical and conscientious...and I want to be just like them when I grow up.
As their mother, my mission is to continue to find ways to inspire them to boldly share their talents. I used all my passions and funneled them into a running company whose primary goal is unity. I want my children to see the gathering of people, of all abilities, running together as unit. I want them to see this community of people pushing themselves through adversity to order to achieve their goals. I want my children to see that their efforts go towards supporting others who are suffering. I want them to know that finding your voice doesn't only mean "speaking your words". Having the courage to express yourself, through the means of your actions, speaks loudly...and everyone will hear.
Happy Trails -